Why is it?

Why is it that a joyous occasion can bring such pain? I'll be honest. 95% of the time infertility does not affect my mood, my outlook on life, or mental well being. I am truly happy with life right now. I love my husband more now than I have in the last 9 years. I love my dogs, my cute little house, my family, my friends, my job, and school. Overall, everything is going really well. I do believe that my life would be richer with a child in it, and I long to have one; but generally, I am very content with where I am in life right now.

So why is it that I fell to pieces at the announcement of the birth of my cousin-in-law's child? I can't remember if I've posted about this before, but my husband's 19 year old cousin was pregnant. She is your typical troubled teenager: drank too much, smoke too much, did drugs, was arrested, hung out with the wrong crowd, barely made it out of high school, ect. It got so bad at one point that we actually offered for her to come live with us just to get her out of her hometown. So it came as no real surprise when she announced her pregnancy last 4th of July. She was 6 weeks. Still drinking, still smoking. I took it hard then, but of course hoped for the best. I hoped that the thought of taking care of another human being would help straighten her out. And you know what? It did. She got a job, got enrolled in community college, moved into stable housing. Last Saturday she had her baby. I should be happy. This precious little baby has helped straighten out someone I care about. But instead I felt angry, sad and jealous. The baby was gorgeous, and my cousin-in-law looked stunning in the photos that were sent out. I want that. I deserve that. Why can't I have that? I had a wedding to go to a wedding Saturday night. I had a good cry in the shower while I was getting ready, and then again in the car on the way to the wedding. I hate when I let myself get upset about stuff like this.

I feel guilty for being angry/sad/jealous over something that at the end of the day has no impact on my situation. I know that I am blessed in so many ways, and I just hate that something like this can make me loose focus of that.

My New Loves

For anyone who has not seen Mad Men, let me suggest you go out and rent Season 1. Its soooo good. I rented it on Netflix and have already lined up season 2 and 3 to be delivered shortly. I don't know how accurate of a reflection it is of society in the 60's but it is fascinating to watch.

The other show I've recently become addicted to is Pawn Stars. I can't even remember who told me about this show, but I tivo'd it a few weeks ago and am totally in love with this show. Its like the antique road show, but much more entertaining. Its amazing to see how much crap people have, and more importantly, how valuable some of that crap actually is.  I strongly recommend you check it out.

Hope you have a great weekend!

Happy Mardi Gras

This weekend was such a blast. My best friend, her husband and my goddaughter came in for Valentine's Day/Mardi Gras. They got in late friday night, so we just spent the evening catching up. Saturday we got up early and made our way down to the parades. We all had so much fun!

Abney's 1st Mardi Gras!

Isn't she precious?

Saturday night my mother and sister came over to watch Abney, so we could celebrate Valentine's day. We went out to a great dinner, and then headed to the French Quarter to see all the Mardi Gras craziness.

BFF and I on Bourbon.

Unfortunately they had to leave Sunday, but promised to plan to stay through Mardi Gras day next year! It was such a great weekend.

HAPPY MARDI GRAS!!!

Cycle 18 - Natural Cycle

CD1. Le Sigh. This is cycle 2 post lap.

At least its Mardi Gras weekend so I drink my sorrows away! :-)

We are the Champions!

We spent the weekend in Miami, cheering on our hometown boys. It was such a blast!

On the beach by our hotel (in Ft. Lauderdale)

My ticket

Tailgating (Sister, Me, Mom, & Sister)

Dh and BIL

Walking to the Stadium

In the stadium. (Me, Dh and my sister sat together)

We Won!!!

The whole trip was such a blast & there is much to tell, but the screaming kid sitting next to me in boarding area is making it impossible to think straight.

Pulling out all the stops

Disclaimer: We have a housekeeper. I know it probably seems ridiculous since it's just 2 of us but we used to fight a lot about cleaning the house so I choose to eliminate that fight. 

So I came home yesterday to a wonderfully cleaned house. When I went into my bedroom I realized that my housekeeper had decided we were pulling out all the stops this cycle. On my bedside table she had set my St. Anne prayer card standing up next to my African Fertility Doll (which usually sit on opposite sides of the room from each other).  I guess she really really wants us to get knocked up. Or maybe she just decided we needed some help re-decorating! :-)

And just because they're so stinkin cute:

 (They were waiting for me when I came in the bedroom)

 And then they decided to play asleep so I wouldn't kick them off the bed.

Bad Ella and Maggie. 

Miami Bound

Yep, you read it right. Me and DH are MIAMI BOUND!! We leave Friday at 6am and come back Monday at 6pm. I can't wait to cheer on the Black and Gold in Miami! Two of my sisters, my mom and every one's significant others are joining us, so its going to be a great family vacation!

DH and I had a very quite weekend. I believe I ovulated on Friday, because I was experiencing really bad pain. I actually had to cancel my plans on Friday night because it was so bad which was a bit of a bummer. It was similar to the pain I felt when I went to the ER last April; where it hurts on your ovary and radiates down to your cervix. It was really not pleasant. Never the less, we managed to do the deed so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this will be our cycle! I'm not charting so I realize that its not 100% sure that I ovulated, but since the pain subsided Saturday/Sunday I'm rolling with it. Saturday we bummed around the house, and Sunday I spent all day doing school work. So overall it was a very low key weekend!

Hope everyone had a great one!!